Height of indolence

I wish I could fall in love again
It was indeed draining,
But it was never indifferent
I wish I could fall in love again

I wish I could relive my past
It was indeed painful
But it was never so confusing
I wish I could relive my past

I wish I could break the jinx.
I really want to get out of
this engulfing loneliness
I wish I could break the jinx

I wish I could enjoy my life
Because living it seriously,
made me rather unromantic
I wish I could enjoy my life

I wish I could love me more
I feel I am a ruthless critic
I am indeed not that bad
I wish I could love me more

End of an unspoken infactuation

This Nov 11th my first crush of life is getting married.And though I belong to the invitee list,I chose not to attend.Not that I can't stand the sight of someone tying the knot on her neck,but only due to logistic compulsions. :)

I saw her first in a science camp,at that time both of us were in early teens,so it was plain infactuation.One way attraction or admiration I should say.A cute,brilliant girl with a pony tail who could win prizes for painting at state youth festival was too good for me then.I met her one more time after 7-8 years,She has changed...a lot.

That time I was at her place and was her guest.She was nice to me and quite friendly,We had a meal together.I chose not to reveal..my old feelings towards her.To be frank I did like her,But could not really differentiate whether my love has turned platonic or not.May be at the age of 22 physical attraction was the foremost thing rather than her skills of painting or she having a gem of a character.Moreover she was of my same age,and I thought I need atleast 4-5 years to think about a marriage.Plain unromantic,I may sound...But I think I was acting just practically.

A decision doesn't come as an event,it comes as a package.I can't really judge whether I made a wrong decision by not attempting to win her heart.But I have no qualms in admitting that when she is going to tie a knot,I am having a little chafe in my heart.Let me make it clear it is not that intense chronic pain that I experienced in a breakup, but this is a bearable little gall.
In fact that gall has a silver lining of joy also.I am happy that she is finally getting married to her longtime sweet heart.

So my best wishes...for your married life.
May you be blessed with all the fruits of companionship...
I value you and your friendship !!!

Some sweet little pains,unspoken love,uncherised dreams drives us...to desire more...And if we gain whatever we dream,then dream will lose its charm.